5 Things You can Start TODAY to Build Confidence in Your Kids

I am by no means a counselor, but I AM a teacher. I see 20-30 sweet, young, new faces come into my classroom every year. I get to spend the better part of 10 months with these faces and learn SO MUCH about them. I get to teach them new things. I get to show them how amazing they are. I get to build up that shy kiddo who may be struggling to make friends. It's truly an honor. But building confidence in your kids doesn't just happen inside the school building. Sure, your child sits in a classroom for 7+ hours a day, but the small amount of time Monday-Friday that they do get to spend with YOU actually makes a big difference. So whether your kiddo is shy or already taking the world by the reins, there are many things you can do as a parent (or a teacher if you're here from that standpoint) to help foster confidence in your children. My advice is to START YOUNG. Sure all of these strategies work on older kids, too, but you'll get a better return from implementing these strategies while your children are still little. Like, toddlers. 

1) Words of Affirmation

I don't know a single adult who doesn't enjoy a "good job" every now and again. Children, even tiny ones, need to hear this, too! They need to know that they are appreciated. Even if your child refuses to clean their room, smarts off daily, and doesn't help around the house, you can find SOMETHING to encourage them in. Maybe they rock at drawing. Maybe they do a great job of getting themselves up and ready for school every morning, making your life easier. Maybe they take good care of their animals. Whatever it may be, I challenge you to find ONE thing to compliment your child on each week and watch to see if their attitude towards things changes...

2) Make them a part of daily activities

This one truly should be started young. There's nothing wrong with letting a 1 year old help with dishes and sweeping. Encourage them to be helpful and compliment them when they are. Try not to get too frustrated if they don't do it correctly. Even my husband can't fold towels the way I prefer, but I'm still going to take a deep breath and compliment him for helping! Let them help you make dinner. If they ask to help with things, let them! This will teach them to be helpful as adults. It is a serious confidence booster to kids when they know you appreciate their help. Most kids, especially when young, have the desire to please you. Channel that desire!

3) Allow them to make their own decisions (within reason)

This one is tough for parents who love to be in control (i.e. me). But giving children the power to make decisions about their lives instills the confidence they'll need later in life to be confident in the choices they make. It's truly better for them to make mistakes while they are young and learn from them, than to prevent them. Knocking down roadblocks in your child's path actually can hinder them from being successful as an adult. As hard as it is to watch as a parent, you have to let them struggle and make their own mistakes. Just make sure when you do, you're there to help them pick up the pieces. Don't drop them when they need the support most. 

4) Make the big things to them big to you, too

There's nothing more discouraging than being excited about something and someone coming along to pop your balloon. I think that kids experience this more often than adults, because adults are often too busy to share in their children's excitement. One time I witnessed a child running to their dad to show them a picture they'd drawn. They were extremely excited and their little body ran so fast. The child's,  "look dad! I drew you a picture" was met with a harsh ,"Stop running!" That poor little boys face fell so fast. Now, I'm not saying you don't correct your child when they're doing something they shouldn't be. But imagine how much more respected that command would have been if the dialog went like this: 

"Oh I love that drawing! You did such a great job! Thank you. I know you were excited, but next time you need to walk instead of run, okay?" 

Now even as an adult, I feel like that would be much better received than completely ignoring the excitement and going straight to correction. I use this strategy in my class, too. I *TRY* to always give a compliment on something before I tell a student something they are doing wrong. I'm not perfect at it, and not all situations can even be implemented this way (i.e. major safety concerns), but the more you do it, the better and easier positivity will roll off your tongue. 

Take the time and MAKE the time to share in your child's excitement about something. If you don't make the big things big when they're little, they won't come to you with the big things when they're older. 

5) Validate their feelings

I can't tell you how many times I come across an adult just brushing a child off with "you're fine!" Now, in some (okay, MANY) circumstances, your child IS actually fine. But when sweet little Suzy comes to you and is upset about how her drawing got torn up by the dog, its our job as parents and teachers to help Suzy understand that it is okay for her to be upset and that she has a right to be upset. Always brushing a child's feelings under the rug actually can cause them to harbor big emotions when they get older, which is totally unhealthy. As with everything in life, there's a fine line. We need to teach our children that it is okay to have big feelings (because if you're being honest with yourself, you do too!) but we also need to teach them how to handle those big feelings! .....Blog Post coming soon about that, so stay tuned.

Language like "I see that you are upset," and "I can tell that your feelings are hurt," are validating to a child. It teaches them that their feelings are important - and they ARE! Don't ignore your child's feelings, no matter how tempting it may be - or how annoying, if we are being totally honest.