If you're here because you're thinking about having a baby, welcome!
Becoming a Mommy is one of the best things ever and there is so much to it! It's also one of the most important jobs in the entire world. So whether you are already pregnant, or wanting to be, you deserve to know the facts!
When you get that BFP (Big Fat Positive in the Baby Center world) and you've just experienced your first "What now?" moment, a billion thoughts are probably swirling through your head. I remember wanting to start on the nursery the very day after I told my husband. I remember reading every blog, every website, every self-help book on what I would need to do (and become) in order to prepare for baby. There are SO MANY THINGS they do NOT tell you in those super fun books, articles, and doctors offices. There were so many things about having a baby I had to learn on my own with my son. There were so many tidbits of advice from seasoned moms I thought I would never need. It's amazing how many things people leave out when sharing their own personal wisdom on having a baby. I'm not sure if that's because it's just taboo to talk about, if they're afraid of scaring a new mom, or what! So here you will find 10+ things that nobody tells you about having a baby. This list is by no means, I mean NOT EVEN SLIGHTLY, exhaustive. Also, like all things in life, not every experience is the same for each individual. So, take it with a grain of salt. Here it is: the good, the bad, the ugly!
1) It will not go as planned - and that is OKAY.
Of course it is a great idea to have a birth plan. You need to know in advance how you want things to go throughout the course of your labor and delivery (and beyond that...yeah, you don't go home right away!). Try not to get so caught up in following your plan that if something doesn't go your way, it crushes you. Understand that the plans you write up and provide to hospital staff can only be followed when it is safe to do so. Also, it is OKAY to take the epidural you swore up and down you'd never need. Take it. You'll thank me later.
2) When your water breaks, or they break your water, it is NOT like the movies.
So, maybe I'm the only person on the planet who did not know this, but when the nurses come to break your water, it's not just one big gush and done. You heard me. When they break your water, it's like peeing yourself over and over again. TMI. Maybe. But you're about to be a mom. You need to know this stuff!
3) You will not be in control of your hormones. Not even in the slightest bit.
If someone had told me that I would be an absolute basket case after having my son, I would've laughed at them, because I totally have it all together, you know? I'm pretty sure I cried the first few weeks straight after he was born. Every little thing set me off. Everyone knows that you're hormonal during pregnancy, but no one tells you that it actually gets worse after delivery! Add in the crazy sleep deprivation and you've got yourself a one-way ticket on the ultimate emotional roller coaster. Give yourself some grace, you just had a baby and that takes a huge toll on your body - not just physically, but mentally as well. It takes a while for those pregnancy hormones to regulate in your body. And if you're breastfeeding? Plan on it taking a little while longer.
THE BIG BUT: If you feel like your emotions are totally all over the place and your 100% out of control, or you are consistently feeling sad or having sad thoughts, or thoughts of harm - talk with your doctor. Postpartum Depression is very real and very serious. It's not a joke and should not be taken lightly. Reach out to your doctor about how you're feeling and let them help!
4) The nurses do not leave you alone for long.
So you've just had this beautiful baby and all you want to do is snuggle and love on that baby. Be prepared for those snuggles to be consistently interrupted - for at least the first day. Nurses will still be coming by frequently to check vitals, check baby's vitals and to see if you need anything. If you're breastfeeding, you'll likely see a lactation consultant at some point during your stay (or frequently if you want the help) if you choose to deliver at a hospital or birthing center. I remember being incredibly frustrated when they'd come in the middle of the night. Just be prepared to be annoyed after delivering - and remember that it doesn't hurt to politely ask for a few hours of peace with your new little babe.
5) Breastfeeding is hard.
If you choose to breastfeed, expect it to take time to learn. I remember taking a breastfeeding class and thinking, easy-peasy! You just grab baby, they latch on, eat and done. The reality is, most babies have to be taught how to breastfeed. If this is your first baby, even holding them in a position to breastfeed will feel awkward. I remember the nurse teaching me the "football hold" and thinking, this just does not feel right. Do what works for you. Use the lactation consultants while you have them readily available in the hospital. Join a local breastfeeding group for support. Just know, while those first few days and weeks may seem impossible, it DOES get better.
6) After the birth.
Maybe I just lived in a blissful pre-baby bubble, but I honestly thought contractions were done once you delivered. Nope. Expect to still have "contractions" for several hours - to maybe even days - after baby is born. This is your uterus shrinking back down to normal. If you're breastfeeding, it enhances the contracting. When I had little O, for at least an hour after every time he nursed I would get painful contractions. To add insult to injury? The nurses come in frequently to push all around on that sore, contracting uterus to make sure that it is shrinking appropriately. I'll just tell you now, it's not very comfortable. The good news? All things must come to an end, and it includes those awful after-birth cramps.
7) Babies poop. A LOT.
At first, I thought there was something wrong with my sweet baby O, because that kid could fill a diaper like nobody's business. I remember talking to his pediatrician at our first visit about how every single diaper I changed was a poo diaper. Turns out, especially in breastfed babies, pooping frequently is normal. Changing a poopy diaper 10+ times a day is actually normal. On the flip side, constipated babies (while totally not fun) are also normal. Basically, babies are brand-spanking-new. This includes their internal organs. Baby's digestive tract is just learning how to work outside of the womb. It needs time to adjust. So whether you're changing 25 poopy diapers a day, or none at all, rest assured, baby's digestive tract will catch up. If you have a constipated baby, make sure to reach out to your pediatrician so they can get baby some relief!
8) Take all the photos and videos, because you probably won't remember a lot of it.
Realistically, the first few months of baby's life are a fog. You're caught between new-mom-bliss hormones and sleep deprivation. Not to mention, when's the last time you ate? Among all of those things, your body is still healing from the trauma it endured to bring that sweet little bundle into this world. Give yourself grace, momma. Sure you'll remember highlights, like the first time your baby poo'ed all the way to their hairline, or the first time they smiled at you or laughed. Momma, you're not going to remember all-the-things. I have spent a lot of time straining my brain to remember things from O's birth and then beating myself up for not. Don't do it. Just take all the pictures and videos and have a place to store them for you to reference back to. I love using Google Photos because I can share my album with family members, too. But tread carefully through those sweet first few month albums, baby fever is real....and dangerous!
9) You'll forget most of the pain.
One plus side to the "fog" that comes with being a new mom and living with a newborn, is that you forget what most of that pain felt like. I fully believe that this is a coping mechanism God placed in women's brains so that they would continue to reproduce. I can honestly say I do not fully remember what contractions felt like. My body does not remember any of the pain. And of course I want more babies!
10) You'll become the biggest hypocrite ever.
"I'm never going to let my kid...."
"We will never do...blah blah blah."
Don't be me. I was 100% that person who said that I would never let my child do this or that. I was 100% that person who watched what other parents did and made an oath to do different. I was so sure I'd be the mom who had it all put together. I will NEVER forget a single thing in the diaper bag and it will always be organized. My child's hair will always be perfect. My children will never eat in my car. I will always look presentable. My children will not eat hot dogs and chicken nuggets. They will not watch television or play on tablets/phones. Well, I'm living proof that it's impossible to maintain all the things you say you're NOT going to do with your child. Having babies is a totally humbling experience. It makes you realize how selfish and hypocritical you truly are. I owe some apologies to some totally amazing parents! #Momlife is also sometimes about survival. And sometimes survival means sacrificing some of those high standards you set for yourself in order to save your sanity.
*Side note, slightly kidding about TV. I vowed not to give my kiddos lots of screen time because I'm a teacher and daily I am witness to the effects of sitting in front of a screen. It's not pretty and it's not great for their little developing brains. Little O gets screen time one day a week, so its a compromise!
Just One More.....
11) Enjoy every moment.
Babies are only babies for a short while. They grow up so fast. Enjoy those snuggles. Enjoy the dependent feeding. Even enjoy that tiny baby cry because it all changes so fast. Before you know it they are sitting up, then crawling, then walking and talking. Every precious phase is both a joy to witness and a heartbreak knowing they are growing up! So above all else, enjoy it momma. Put the dishes down. Put the vacuum away. Let others who offer to help clean for you. You'll never regret an ounce of time spent with your babies.
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