10 Things Nobody Tells You About Having a Baby

If you're here because you're pregnant, congrats!

If you're here because you're thinking about having a baby, welcome!

 

Becoming a Mommy is one of the best things ever and there is so much to it! It's also one of the most important jobs in the entire world. So whether you are already pregnant, or wanting to be, you deserve to know the facts!

When you get that BFP (Big Fat Positive in the Baby Center world) and you've just experienced your first "What now?" moment, a billion thoughts are probably swirling through your head. I remember wanting to start on the nursery the very day after I told my husband. I remember reading every blog, every website, every self-help book on what I would need to do (and become) in order to prepare for baby. There are SO MANY THINGS they do NOT tell you in those super fun books, articles, and doctors offices. There were so many things about having a baby I had to learn on my own with my son. There were so many tidbits of advice from seasoned moms I thought I would never need. It's amazing how many things people leave out when sharing their own personal wisdom on having a baby. I'm not sure if that's because it's just taboo to talk about, if they're afraid of scaring a new mom, or what! So here you will find 10+ things that nobody tells you about having a baby. This list is by no means, I mean NOT EVEN SLIGHTLY, exhaustive. Also, like all things in life, not every experience is the same for each individual. So, take it with a grain of salt. Here it is: the good, the bad, the ugly!

1) It will not go as planned - and that is OKAY. 

Of course it is a great idea to have a birth plan. You need to know in advance how you want things to go throughout the course of your labor and delivery (and beyond that...yeah, you don't go home right away!). Try not to get so caught up in following your plan that if something doesn't go your way, it crushes you. Understand that the plans you write up and provide to hospital staff can only be followed when it is safe to do so. Also, it is OKAY to take the epidural you swore up and down you'd never need. Take it. You'll thank me later. 

2) When your water breaks, or they break your water, it is NOT like the movies. 

So, maybe I'm the only person on the planet who did not know this, but when the nurses come to break your water, it's not just one big gush and done. You heard me. When they break your water, it's like peeing yourself over and over again. TMI. Maybe. But you're about to be a mom. You need to know this stuff! 

3) You will not be in control of your hormones. Not even in the slightest bit. 

If someone had told me that I would be an absolute basket case after having my son, I would've laughed at them, because I totally have it all together, you know? I'm pretty sure I cried the first few weeks straight after he was born. Every little thing set me off. Everyone knows that you're hormonal during pregnancy, but no one tells you that it actually gets worse after delivery! Add in the crazy sleep deprivation and you've got yourself a one-way ticket on the ultimate emotional roller coaster. Give yourself some grace, you just had a baby and that takes a huge toll on your body - not just physically, but mentally as well. It takes a while for those pregnancy hormones to regulate in your body. And if you're breastfeeding? Plan on it taking a little while longer.

THE BIG BUT: If you feel like your emotions are totally all over the place and your 100% out of control, or you are consistently feeling sad or having sad thoughts, or thoughts of harm - talk with your doctor. Postpartum Depression is very real and very serious. It's not a joke and should not be taken lightly. Reach out to your doctor about how you're feeling and let them help! 

4) The nurses do not leave you alone for long.

So you've just had this beautiful baby and all you want to do is snuggle and love on that baby. Be prepared for those snuggles to be consistently interrupted - for at least the first day. Nurses will still be coming by frequently to check vitals, check baby's vitals and to see if you need anything. If you're breastfeeding, you'll likely see a lactation consultant at some point during your stay (or frequently if you want the help) if you choose to deliver at a hospital or birthing center. I remember being incredibly frustrated when they'd come in the middle of the night. Just be prepared to be annoyed after delivering  - and remember that it doesn't hurt to politely ask for a few hours of peace with your new little babe. 

5) Breastfeeding is hard.

If you choose to breastfeed, expect it to take time to learn. I remember taking a breastfeeding class and thinking, easy-peasy! You just grab baby, they latch on, eat and done. The reality is, most babies have to be taught how to breastfeed. If this is your first baby, even holding them in a position to breastfeed will feel awkward. I remember the nurse teaching me the "football hold" and thinking, this just does not feel right. Do what works for you. Use the lactation consultants while you have them readily available in the hospital. Join a local breastfeeding group for support. Just know, while those first few days and weeks may seem impossible, it DOES get better.

6)  After the birth.

Maybe I just lived in a blissful pre-baby bubble, but I honestly thought contractions were done once you delivered. Nope. Expect to still have "contractions" for several hours - to maybe even days - after baby is born. This is your uterus shrinking back down to normal. If you're breastfeeding, it enhances the contracting. When I had little O, for at least an hour after every time he nursed I would get painful contractions. To add insult to injury? The nurses come in frequently to push all around on that sore, contracting uterus to make sure that it is shrinking appropriately. I'll just tell you now, it's not very comfortable. The good news? All things must come to an end, and it includes those awful after-birth cramps. 

7) Babies poop. A LOT.

At first, I thought there was something wrong with my sweet baby O, because that kid could fill a diaper like nobody's business. I remember talking to his pediatrician at our first visit about how every single diaper I changed was a poo diaper. Turns out, especially in breastfed babies, pooping frequently is normal. Changing a poopy diaper 10+ times a day is actually normal. On the flip side, constipated babies (while totally not fun) are also normal. Basically, babies are brand-spanking-new. This includes their internal organs. Baby's digestive tract is just learning how to work outside of the womb. It needs time to adjust. So whether you're changing 25 poopy diapers a day, or none at all, rest assured, baby's digestive tract will catch up. If you have a constipated baby, make sure to reach out to your pediatrician so they can get baby some relief! 

8) Take all the photos and videos, because you probably won't remember a lot of it.

Realistically, the first few months of baby's life are a fog. You're caught between new-mom-bliss hormones and sleep deprivation. Not to mention, when's the last time you ate? Among all of those things, your body is still healing from the trauma it endured to bring that sweet little bundle into this world. Give yourself grace, momma. Sure you'll remember highlights, like the first time your baby poo'ed all the way to their hairline, or the first time they smiled at you or laughed. Momma, you're not going to remember all-the-things. I have spent a lot of time straining my brain to remember things from O's birth and then beating myself up for not. Don't do it. Just take all the pictures and videos and have a place to store them for you to reference back to. I love using Google Photos because I can share my album with family members, too. But tread carefully through those sweet first few month albums, baby fever is real....and dangerous!

9) You'll forget most of the pain.

One plus side to the "fog" that comes with being a new mom and living with a newborn, is that you forget what most of that pain felt like. I fully believe that this is a coping mechanism God placed in women's brains so that they would continue to reproduce. I can honestly say I do not fully remember what contractions felt like. My body does not remember any of the pain. And of course I want more babies! 

10) You'll become the biggest hypocrite ever.

"I'm never going to let my kid...." 

"We will never do...blah blah blah." 

Don't be me. I was 100% that person who said that I would never let my child do this or that. I was 100% that person who watched what other parents did and made an oath to do different. I was so sure I'd be the mom who had it all put together. I will NEVER forget a single thing in the diaper bag and it will always be organized. My child's hair will always be perfect. My children will never eat in my car. I will always look presentable. My children will not eat hot dogs and chicken nuggets. They will not watch television or play on tablets/phones. Well, I'm living proof that it's impossible to maintain all the things you say you're NOT going to do with your child. Having babies is a totally humbling experience. It makes you realize how selfish and hypocritical you truly are. I owe some apologies to some totally amazing parents! #Momlife is also sometimes about survival. And sometimes survival means sacrificing some of those high standards you set for yourself in order to save your sanity. 

*Side note, slightly kidding about TV. I vowed not to give my kiddos lots of screen time because I'm a teacher and daily I am witness to the effects of sitting in front of a screen. It's not pretty and it's not great for their little developing brains. Little O gets screen time one day a week, so its a compromise! 

Just One More.....

11) Enjoy every moment. 

Babies are only babies for a short while. They grow up so fast. Enjoy those snuggles. Enjoy the dependent feeding. Even enjoy that tiny baby cry because it all changes so fast. Before you know it they are sitting up, then crawling, then walking and talking. Every precious phase is both a joy to witness and a heartbreak knowing they are growing up! So above all else, enjoy it momma. Put the dishes down. Put the vacuum away. Let others who offer to help clean for you. You'll never regret an ounce of time spent with your babies. 

5 Things You can Start TODAY to Build Confidence in Your Kids

I am by no means a counselor, but I AM a teacher. I see 20-30 sweet, young, new faces come into my classroom every year. I get to spend the better part of 10 months with these faces and learn SO MUCH about them. I get to teach them new things. I get to show them how amazing they are. I get to build up that shy kiddo who may be struggling to make friends. It's truly an honor. But building confidence in your kids doesn't just happen inside the school building. Sure, your child sits in a classroom for 7+ hours a day, but the small amount of time Monday-Friday that they do get to spend with YOU actually makes a big difference. So whether your kiddo is shy or already taking the world by the reins, there are many things you can do as a parent (or a teacher if you're here from that standpoint) to help foster confidence in your children. My advice is to START YOUNG. Sure all of these strategies work on older kids, too, but you'll get a better return from implementing these strategies while your children are still little. Like, toddlers. 

1) Words of Affirmation

I don't know a single adult who doesn't enjoy a "good job" every now and again. Children, even tiny ones, need to hear this, too! They need to know that they are appreciated. Even if your child refuses to clean their room, smarts off daily, and doesn't help around the house, you can find SOMETHING to encourage them in. Maybe they rock at drawing. Maybe they do a great job of getting themselves up and ready for school every morning, making your life easier. Maybe they take good care of their animals. Whatever it may be, I challenge you to find ONE thing to compliment your child on each week and watch to see if their attitude towards things changes...

2) Make them a part of daily activities

This one truly should be started young. There's nothing wrong with letting a 1 year old help with dishes and sweeping. Encourage them to be helpful and compliment them when they are. Try not to get too frustrated if they don't do it correctly. Even my husband can't fold towels the way I prefer, but I'm still going to take a deep breath and compliment him for helping! Let them help you make dinner. If they ask to help with things, let them! This will teach them to be helpful as adults. It is a serious confidence booster to kids when they know you appreciate their help. Most kids, especially when young, have the desire to please you. Channel that desire!

3) Allow them to make their own decisions (within reason)

This one is tough for parents who love to be in control (i.e. me). But giving children the power to make decisions about their lives instills the confidence they'll need later in life to be confident in the choices they make. It's truly better for them to make mistakes while they are young and learn from them, than to prevent them. Knocking down roadblocks in your child's path actually can hinder them from being successful as an adult. As hard as it is to watch as a parent, you have to let them struggle and make their own mistakes. Just make sure when you do, you're there to help them pick up the pieces. Don't drop them when they need the support most. 

4) Make the big things to them big to you, too

There's nothing more discouraging than being excited about something and someone coming along to pop your balloon. I think that kids experience this more often than adults, because adults are often too busy to share in their children's excitement. One time I witnessed a child running to their dad to show them a picture they'd drawn. They were extremely excited and their little body ran so fast. The child's,  "look dad! I drew you a picture" was met with a harsh ,"Stop running!" That poor little boys face fell so fast. Now, I'm not saying you don't correct your child when they're doing something they shouldn't be. But imagine how much more respected that command would have been if the dialog went like this: 

"Oh I love that drawing! You did such a great job! Thank you. I know you were excited, but next time you need to walk instead of run, okay?" 

Now even as an adult, I feel like that would be much better received than completely ignoring the excitement and going straight to correction. I use this strategy in my class, too. I *TRY* to always give a compliment on something before I tell a student something they are doing wrong. I'm not perfect at it, and not all situations can even be implemented this way (i.e. major safety concerns), but the more you do it, the better and easier positivity will roll off your tongue. 

Take the time and MAKE the time to share in your child's excitement about something. If you don't make the big things big when they're little, they won't come to you with the big things when they're older. 

5) Validate their feelings

I can't tell you how many times I come across an adult just brushing a child off with "you're fine!" Now, in some (okay, MANY) circumstances, your child IS actually fine. But when sweet little Suzy comes to you and is upset about how her drawing got torn up by the dog, its our job as parents and teachers to help Suzy understand that it is okay for her to be upset and that she has a right to be upset. Always brushing a child's feelings under the rug actually can cause them to harbor big emotions when they get older, which is totally unhealthy. As with everything in life, there's a fine line. We need to teach our children that it is okay to have big feelings (because if you're being honest with yourself, you do too!) but we also need to teach them how to handle those big feelings! .....Blog Post coming soon about that, so stay tuned.

Language like "I see that you are upset," and "I can tell that your feelings are hurt," are validating to a child. It teaches them that their feelings are important - and they ARE! Don't ignore your child's feelings, no matter how tempting it may be - or how annoying, if we are being totally honest.

6 Toddler Indoor Activities for when You're Snowed In!

Stuck indoors? Kids going stir crazy?

If you're in the United States, you likely have or will see snow soon. As I am writing this, we are roughly 6-ish inches in to a 3 day snowstorm. We've been "snowed in" for almost a week already! As a teacher, I enjoyed the first several snow days. They came as a welcome break from the day in and day out. This week, we will be diving in to virtual learning during our snow days (thanks a lot, Covid). If you're anything like me, you're starting to go a little stir crazy - and the kiddos are, too! I've had to get pretty creative with activities for my toddler lately so that he isn't bored to tears. If you're anything like me, you hate the idea of sitting your kids in front of a screen for entertainment. Looking for indoor activities to do during a snow storm? These are tried and true methods to beat the snowed-in blues. Some of the indoor activities for kids listed below are classics, because who says you have to reinvent the wheel, right? 

1) SNOW CREAM

When it's too cold to venture out but there's plenty of snow to go around, grab a bowl and some boots and collect some snow! Just make sure to collect snow from a deep area, safe from animals and other critters....no one likes yellow or brown snow. BLEGH. Snow cream is a tried and true classic. If you like ice cream, you'll enjoy this easy-peasy indoor snow activity that brings the snow to you! This recipe is super simple and only uses ingredients you likely already have in your pantry! The best part? This recipe is so versatile, you can adjust each ingredient based on how sweet you want your snow cream to taste!

Snow Cream:

2-4 cups of snow

2-4 tablespoons of sugar

1-2 teaspoons of vanilla extract

1/4 cup of milk

Mix together and enjoy!

2) SNOW Sensory Play

Another stupid simple snow day activity is snow sensory play. I am a huge advocate of sensory play for the littles. Give them random things and let. them. explore. The best way for a child to learn is to be left to their own devices (with adult supervision of course!). For snow sensory play, all you need is a bowl and snow. You can add in cups, scoops, spoons, play kitchen tools, shapes for molding, ect. The possibilities are endless! I plop my son down in his highchair, give him a bowl of snow and some "tool" and let him have at it! It's tons of fun and minimal mess...until the snow melts of course!

3) Snow Painting

This is another ridiculously easy (but slightly messy) activity for your littles to do. Simply go outside and get a bowl of snow. Flatten the snow on a plate or inside a tub. Then, fill a few small cups with water and add 1-2 drops of liquid food coloring. Give your little a paintbrush and let them go! Pro-Tip: Cover whatever surface you're going to put the snow in with aluminum foil or clear wrap because you know, food coloring stains...Don't learn the hard way!

4) Obstacle Course

Do you have tape, paper plates, and blankets? Then you have everything you need to create an obstacle course for your kiddos to burn off energy in! This indoor snow activity requires some prep on your part, but ends in hours of fun! Use tape to create a "laser run" or make shapes on the floor that they have to jump to. Use paper plates as stopping points. Hang up blankets for them to climb under. With this indoor snow activity, the possibilities are endless! 

5) Ice Globes

This is more of a craftivity than just a snow day activity, but it is still fun none the less. All you need is balloons, water, and food coloring for this creative and pretty activity. All you have to do is fill the balloon with water and add a few drops of food coloring. Then, if it's cold enough outside, just stick the balloon outside! These make fun, easy decorations to break up the plain white sheets of ice outside.

6) Make Homemade Play-Dough

This is an activity almost any age group can do (with adult supervision and help of course!) Playdough is so versatile - you can use it for all different types of imaginative play. Making playdough on a cold, snow day is a great indoor activity. Why buy store bought playdough when you can kill extra time at home with your kiddos by making it yourself? The best part is that it's made with ingredients you likely already have in your home - or if you're like me, you're neighbor has them and you can borrow. Heh. I am completely okay with my toddler playing with this homemade playdough because if he puts it in his mouth 1) he's going to be sorely mistaken when he tastes all that salt and 2) I don't have to worry about him getting sick from it. Although I obviously do not recommend you let your child eat this playdough due to the sodium content and as always you should supervise your child while playing with the playdough. Here's a super simple (and non-toxic) recipe:

Homemade Playdough Recipe

2 1/2 cups of flour

3 tablespoons of vegetable oil (or olive or coconut) 

3 tablespoons cream of tartar

3/4 cup of salt

1-1 1/2 cups of warm water

gel food coloring (optional)